Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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