Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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