My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
