Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
