Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
