Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
