Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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