Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Everything about him screamed your future.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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