If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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