How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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