Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
