I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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