I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
