I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
