I accidentally had phone sex last night
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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