The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
