I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
