I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
