Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
