Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
