if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
