Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
