weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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