Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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