i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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