Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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