My liver just broke up with me...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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