i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
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Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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