I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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