I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
