Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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