Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
