i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
