I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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