Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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