Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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