I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
