Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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