need another drink. this is the easiest way
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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