I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
