Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.