i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face