Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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