The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Barsexuality is the new black.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
