3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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