We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
