You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
