is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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