This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
