Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
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Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
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When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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