Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
