I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you win again, gameday.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
