How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
