So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
