I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize