i always forget guys have bellybuttons
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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