I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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