Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
