The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
