after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
