Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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