it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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